10 Effective Ways To Stop Obsessing When You Really Like a Man - Soulfulfilling Love
You can like him without being obsessed with or over him. have stopped doing now that you are dating someone, you will find that it creates a healthy balance in . Does he think I'm fat? When I was thirteen, my dad died. that much about him. He's there and then gone like a beautiful idea or taste. And every time you see him, you want him even more. He is your obsession. It was him. “Do you think your parents would accept a white guy with tattoos? I' m the kind of girl who thrives on attention and affection. I prefer.
Like those characters, our love was instant and intense, and thankfully unlike them, we would not die in an arctic grave.
Our love would conquer all. I texted him a photo. My dark hair was wavy and flowing in the wind while a beam of sunlight shone across the picture. Even if he never got around to drawing that portrait, he would certainly have a reminder of why he should come to NYC.
There were many goddesses. Was I Aphrodite the goddess of love or Athena the goddess of war? He called me the next day after work. We talked about our goals and dreams and traded stories about our families. He told me of his mother who had died of cancer when he was only I got it after she passed. I thought it was one of those tattoos you get on a dare. Or some character from his favorite horror movie.
Or one of the paintings from Scooby Doo where the eyes follow you. Three factors THAT are essential in my determination of whether or not a guy and I have any future together. Do we share similar tastes in music?
Is he aware of world events? Does he have an unbridled passion for traveling and discovering new cultures? I had established that he was interested in the first two. I needed to know about the third.
So I asked him about favorite travel spot.
In your whole life? It almost seemed like a sales pitch delivered way too soon, like a used car dealer desperate to clinch the deal. I was hoping at the very least he would have a profile on Linked In that would allow me to see if he really did go to architecture school.
But there was nothing. All I found was a lone Facebook profile which was fully private and which offered no information for my prying eyes. Then came the next text. I loved the probability of our fantastical love, but now he was taking it too far. With that simple question, he crossed the line from romantic and passionate to deranged and obsessive.
I definitely did not miss him. As much as I liked being fawned over, a real connection is not about intense adoration. He wanted to rush forward to the good stuff without finding out if we were even compatible. And on some level I did too, enthralled with the fantasy of a crazy-in-love, over-the-top rock-n-roll romance. But like a cold bucket of water, reality set in. This guy was moving way too fast. Palms sweaty, I summoned up the courage and texted back.
I sat on my patio drinking wine and feeling forlorn. Who wants to deal with death, violation of self, and relationship brokenness? But oh, when I did, what freedom! It was all within me. The answers, the healing. I had to admit that I used men and relationships to keep from having to think about or do the work on myself.
If He Does These 25 Things, You Need To Drop Him Like A Bad Habit
Once I did the work, men became wonderful people with whom I could relate on an authentic level that I never knew possible. No more bad choices. The hole in my heart had been filled and I was set free. Oftentimes, when we feel anxiety or a lack of control we will cling more tightly. So if you value a specific relationship you may find yourself obsessing over every detail as you try to manage the instability of the emotions the relationship is dredging up. These uncomfortable emotions often stem from feelings of insecurity about either yourself or the connection you have with the other person.
Maybe you have specific expectations about the relationship that manifest by grabbing onto imaginary timelines or feeling certain behavior criteria need to be met to feel secure such as buying you flowers or calling at specific times.
Either way you start putting a great deal of potentially negative energy into the relationship which can often roll into obsessive thoughts and behaviors. So how do you stop letting your thoughts get the best of you? Become more mindful, meaning be present in your relationship. Do not worry about the future or dwell on the past. Be in the moment. Just allow the relationship to be what it is. Do some inside work, focusing on improving self-acceptance. Maintain a sense of balance in your life by keeping up with friendships, hobbies and activities outside of the relationship.
Follow the 3 steps below 1. Slow it Down A lot of women will sabotage their relationships by rushing towards the next milestone- the first kiss, the first vacation, moving in together, talking about marriage and kids, etc.
If He Does These 25 Things, You Need To Drop Him Like A Bad Habit
When you rush in a relationship, you can easily overwhelm your partner and cause them to panic or lose interest. When you find yourself getting caught up in the rush, take a breath and take a step back.
Continue to Maintain an Independent Identity When we solely dedicate our lives to our relationships it is easy to become obsessed with them.How I Left My Abusive (ex) Boyfriend
Sometimes as a result, we may neglect other parts of our lives that are important. Distract Yourself If you find yourself obsessing over your relationship, divert your attention to something else.
By focusing on something other than your relationship, you can take a healthy break from thinking about it. Follow the 8 steps below Obsession develops as a form of anxiety that is exacerbated by the emotion of fear. The "How To" process is to first understand the emotion of fear which may be combined with jealousy.
Fear is based an emotion that generally occurs in relationships based on your history with other men, or it may come from family of origin. The process is to understand what prompts the feeling of fear, by noticing the interpretation that the fear makes you have when triggered, for example, when he does not call, the interpretation may mean he is with someone else.
The next step is to notice the body senses engaging the mind to create the emotion of fear, which may be shortness of breath, upset stomach, narrowed vision, etc. The emotion of fear has an action associated with it, which is called the emotion action, which is obsessing. Obsession is based on the level of attachment and connection to the man.
Jealousy usually, not always, but usually goes hand in hand with fear when the obsession occurs. Jealousy occurs when there is a perceived threat, real or imagined that someone may be taken from you.
Keep in mind it is different than envy. The step by step process of dealing with obsession, would be: Notice the obsession 2. Label it as obsession 3. Identify what the obsession is asking you to do, what is the action that obsession is prompting you to do, for example call, snoop, text. Identify the opposite action, for example not call, snoop or text 5. Identify a distraction skill from the action of the obsession to occupy your mind. Be willing to notice and practice distracting from the action of the obsession.
For example, exercise, paced breathing, an absorbing activity that is methodical, such as knitting, coloring, cooking. Talk to an objective person for example a therapist to help understand and validate the fear, however, also process the effectiveness and how to decrease the obsession in a non threatening environment 8.
Practice compassion for yourself by doing a compassion meditation I hope this helps. With social media and all the external influences, it is hard to not be obsessed, however, peace of mind and the ability to not let fear take over your relationship is worth the effort to practice the steps.
Reconnect to your personal power When you really like a man, I know how easy it is to become obsessive. We all have our triggers, and if gone unchecked our affection can quickly turn to obsession. Not only that, but we destroy our own inner-peace. So, how do you enjoy dating without becoming too obsessed?
You must re-connect to your own personal power. You never have and you never will. Re-connect to the wonderful qualities about yourself, and all the amazing things you have going on in your life. Once you have freed up the obsessive energy by connecting to your personal power, you can simply enjoy the beginning stages of dating. Get to know this person. Be open to all possibilities. Even if you stay together for the long-term, some of that initial spark will change, so just have fun with it and be yourself!
Alexis Meads, MA - www. Follow the 5 tips below Healthy love is wonderful. When you experience it, you will have the ability to enjoy comfort, contentment and joy deeper than you've ever known before! But what if you are obsessing over a man that is not committed, authentic or evolving at the same rate as you? What if you are wasting your time and energy on a lost cause? Here are some tips to help you stop obsessing until you know he feels about you the way you feel about him: Your relationship is there to enhance who you already are.
It is not there to complete you or fix you. It is something that you don't need, but rather something you want because it gives you enjoyment, pleasure, fulfillment, and support. Being all you can be in your relationship is more important for your mental health and sense of self, than trying to please the person you are with. If you are concerned about your relationship and wondering if he really likes you, is committed to you and is thinking about you, then you really don't know the guy.
He should be making you feel that way all the time. The fact that you don't know for sure, means the relationship may not be all you think it is -- and maybe it's time to move on.
You are a work in progress -- meaning that it takes time and effort to make a relationship work. For you to grow emotionally, so you can give of yourself to another person, you have to focus on your needs, your wants and your love of yourself.
As an empowered individual, who has a lot to offer others, your well-being is significant for your progress. Don't sell yourself short by compromising who you are for the sake of the relationship. Improve your self-esteem so that you don't constantly have to be reassured that your significant other loves you.