My mother died after a two-year battle with cancer. Her palliative care nurse (for much of that time) helped me wash and dress her body, and. My father started dating a family friend while still married to my mother. . This comes after the recent death of her mom, her dad's equally. My father's now girlfriend was a friend of the family before my mom's Within 2 months after my mom died they were dating and a serious item.
Once it may have seemed unimaginable- but here you are middle-aged and head over heels in love like a teenager. While you may be shocked that this has happened-no one is more shocked than your adult children.
All need advice — hard time dealing with dad dating someone right after my mom died messages
So thrilled with this new relationship, you cannot imagine that everyone will not feel the same excitement. Then you call your adult children, giddy with enthusiasm, and are shocked by the somewhat cool response of your kids.
What is wrong with them? Your adult children hang up equally stunned. The connection with a new person helps diminish your loss and pain in a very substantial way.
But your children are still devastated and adjusting to their loss. Your new love does not diminish their pain at all. When the new person is someone who enters the picture after the marriage is ended, it is often easier for adult children to accept this relationship.
The longer the time between the divorce and the re-coupling, the easier it will be for adult children to accept. If dad dates a much younger woman, particularly with young children, there can be issues of jealousy. Adult children may feel replaced by these new younger children. Many children, regardless of their age, hope for reunification. In truth, an intact family makes things easier for adult children-in practical, emotional and financial aspects. So, while the parent is thrilled with his new relationship status, children may find themselves grieving the divorce all over again.
When the parent enters a new relationship they may be less available to act as an active grandparent.
Grief Healing: In Grief: Is Dad Dating Too Soon after Mom’s Death?
I don't know what's going on and would appreciate any advice. The last time we talked, I told him that I was worried about him. He told me not to worry and that he would only call me for something important. I guess I was so used to my mom calling me once a week and now that she's gone, I need to adjust to not hearing from my dad. How would you handle this?
There could be so many reasons for your father's avoiding you right now, and they could run the gamut from guilt, shame, or embarrassment all the way to wanting to protect you from his feeling free for the first time in many years or his wanting to protect himself from what he thinks might be your disapproval.My Story Of Losing My Dad - Caitlin Bea
He is acting out of his own need, without regard to its effects on you or his grandson. I wonder what would happen if, the next time you hear from him, you'd say something like this: Besides, when I don't hear from you, I worry. Could we agree on a regular time that you will call me or I can call you so I can have that connection to look forward to, and I'll know that you're okay? And can we agree on how often that would be?
Would you be comfortable with that?
need advice — hard time dealing with dad dating someone right after my mom died
But I agree with your grief counselor. Your father's behavior indicates that he wants you to give him his space right now, and he feels no need to explain any further than that.
The simple fact is that grief can make any one of us act in very strange and self-centered ways, and sometimes we can really try the patience of those who love us and want to be there for us. I feel for you, and I am so sorry for your pain. Your feedback is welcome!