The Hazards of Revealing You Don't Want Kids
The relationship dilemma facing women who don't want kids dating a couple of years ago and was upfront about the fact that kids weren't. What are you supposed to do when you don't want kids and it affects your dating life?. I don't want to have kids but am worried that this will mean I won't find anyone to settle down with.
So dudes in the 40s dating pool basically have to be ready for the fact that potential dates are mothers. If you are online dating, you might want to look around at the 40s guys too. There is no better way to judge a man's father potential than to see if he is a good father already and hopefully has a good relationship with his ex. I don't think that you need to worry about freaking someone out about your desire for kids, but you're right in thinking that you want to bring it up appropriately.
And just casually - perhaps in context with other topics of discussion like "One of the reasons that I've been taking this whatever certificate is that I think that it will give me a lot more flexibility in my career choices. This is especially important to me because I do want to have kids ones day and I think that being able to telecommute would be better in that case.
I love my nieces dearly and they are a big part of my life. I am really excited about having kids of my own at some point.
Women who don’t want kids: The dating dilemma we need to talk about
If it scares people off there, then it's to your benefit, since you're looking for someone interested in an accelerated timeline. Most of the men between whom I attempt to date lose interest in me because I don't want to have more kids with them, so I don't think you're in as bad a place as you fear.
I can't speak for all men, but I will anyway: Or maybe the 2 question. But right up near the top, regardless. Obviously, it could be any of these: I think it's worth being completely upfront on a dating profile, but give it a bit of time if you're just meeting people randomly, as k8t suggests. Any guy who has an interest beyond just getting you into bed will want to know where you stand on this issue quite early in the piece.
Not in the desperate way, of course, but it is important info. I agree it's harder to find people who don't want more or any kids, so you can probably find a good match posted by Jacen at 3: I started chatting with someone online last week and one of her first messages to me said: I want to have kids and you already have some, and I don't know if the idea of having more would be a problem for you.
It didn't push me away at all. I encountered many more men who wanted children than did not. When I met a guy I really liked who liked me back and had already gotten a vasectomy, the clouds parted and the angels sang and I married the crap out of him.
Not cheap, but if you would feel better searching for a partner in a more leisurely way, it could be a gift you give yourself. Make sure they seem to be reasonable candidates. Then, if so, you can get to the physical stuff. That will make it easier to dump them if you're incompatible on that particular score, and it'll make it fairly clear that it's a priority vs short-term companionship.
I am 33 and just had a baby, but I was definitely one of the younger ones at our new parent classes. For whatever reason, the media portrays guys as being totally turned off when a date talks about wanting to have kids. This has no basis in reality. I suppose there are some people out there who really do live as if they live in a Will Ferrell and Owen Wilson movie, but most of the guys in their 30s that I know are a lot more reasonable.
Even if we ourselves aren't thinking about kids yet, we realize it's something that women even women younger than you think and talk about. If you're getting coffee with a guy and you mention you're interested in having kids fairly soon, he's probably not going to start screaming and fall into the fetal position on the floor.
And if he does, well, that's helpful for you too. People are way more upfront and forward about what they want and are looking for.
There's still games and bs. But no one is going to be weirded out if you put in your profile that your end game is to couple up and start a family. That's the point of dating basically, and in our 20s it feels so weird and strange and no one really knows what they want. I went on ok Cupid after a divorce, at the rip old age of 34, with 2 kids, and ended up meeting my current husband.
Also a little tip for you that myself, and a number of like-minded friends, don't be afraid to date younger. Younger men are awesome!
And something about turning 30 whips a lot of them into marrying shape: You don't have to start by asking him if he wants kids or more kidsyou could make a declarative statement that just kind of slides in there and waits for a response.
Such as, "I was at my friend Alisha's daughters 6th birthday party last week and it was so fun! I really look forward to having children of my own. It is definitely something to discuss before sex or even getting close to sex. And it's OK to tell a guy to choose kids or not kids before considering sex not that the two of you are making a baby right then. If kids are your priority make it clear that, "Maybe. And determine long-term intent. Be true to your desires and ditch those guys who are unsure.
You are a pretty cool person for thinking about this so well and knowing what you want.
But I mostly had girlfriends with kids after age I started trying for a baby in oh, and got engaged in -- does a traditional wedding need to be factored into the timeline?
So OP totally does have time, but not like a million years of time. Or maybe OP will be on the other end of the bell curve and get pregnant on their first try and get her first postpartum period at like eight weeks post-birth and be game for the whole "two under two" thing -- who knows! But I just think OP is right -- if this is a priority for her, moving steadily in that direction will be great and give her that much more time to enjoy her kids! I think there's too much emphasis in today's career-oriented world on "you have time, don't rush" and not enough on "you'd like to do it soon?
Yes, it's important to find a partner if you're someone who wants to do this with a partner, but another thing that takes a couple of years to really get lined up is a good job situation. Ideally, assuming your financial situation will mean that you'll need to work, you want maternity leave pay, job security, a job you can do while you can barely keep your eyes open during pregnancy i. If you want to change jobs, it's kind of worth doing that before you start trying to get pregnant e. A very much wanted and wished for and loved 4 month old.
In person, maybe the first date, if things seem otherwise okay? The key for me would be for you to communicate that my wanting kids was a necessary but not sufficient condition.
It would be a red flag if I thought you were just looking for anyone with two balls and a bank account, for hopefully obvious reasons.
The relationship dilemma facing women who don’t want kids
But as one of several reasonable other criteria, that's totally fine. The worst you can do is save me the cost of a second date.
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- The relationship dilemma facing women who don’t want kids
Some guys asked me on the first or second date, younger than me, same age as me, older than me, didn't matter, they're thinking about it too. I have a kid already so it was like "you have one kid, do you want more, and if so, how many more? A lot of guys spend years online dating on and off and get jaded or don't like to put up "looking for longterm partner, kids, dog" but do want that with the right person, if they put that up they fear attracting women that only want that from them.
On these sites, it is far less likely that you will have to explain your decision to a great length and face many negative attitudes toward it. These sites vary significantly on their general attitude toward children, so look around for one that you feel comfortable with. On the flip side, these sites may have limited numbers of members and you may not be able to find partners who are compatible on other fronts like finances, geography, personal appeal and so on.
A useful alternative is to sign up with larger mainstream dating sites which have significantly larger databases of members and where you can clearly mention in your main profile that you are interested in child-free dating.
In fact some of the more thorough services use detailed biographical information and personality profiles to match people which is why they often ask whether or not you want to have a family, and how important that issue is to you — that way you are more likely to be matched up with contacts who share your stance on children among other things.
However some of the dating services are scams, so be careful when giving out personal information and paying for the service. You can even explore online childfree forums. Although they are meant for general communication, it is not to say you cannot find someone who you would click with on these forums.
In fact many of these organize live meetings every now and then which in turn may greatly increase your odds of finding a like-minded person in real life.
How to Meet Men Who Don't Want Kids | Futurescopes
Special dating groups These days there are an increasing number of singles clubs or groups with special focus and one of the most popular ones for child-free dating is No Kidding!
Here singles can meet, date and even get married — brought together by the mutual desire of remaining child-free. If you are looking for child free people, chances are there are others in your community who are looking for the same thing and your initiative could be a great way of meeting other like-minded singles. Look for ambitious professionals Professional groups are one of the best places to meet singles who are not interested in having kids.
Those that are highly ambitious and career-driven are quite likely to opt out of parenting owing to the demand of their profession. Thus corporate events and business parties could be ideal for looking for partners open to child-free dating. In fact there are some careers which are less suitable for having a family life and successful professionals belonging to these may opt out of having kids.
These may involve a great deal of travel as in the case of pilots, salesmen or a high degree of physical danger as for war-journalists or intelligence personnel.